Thanks to all who knew Tom and have been sharing stories of his life.
Truly great friends are hard to find and impossible to forget. Tom is one of those friends to me. Being with Tom was like riding on a comet’s tail streaking through the sky, not sure where we would land – but always knowing it would be an adventure that would include loud, hearty laughter that said, "Wasn’t that FUN!?" And true to form, it always was fun. No one lived life more fully or with more zest for new experiences than Tom. He was fearless, always full of that high-octane energy and beaming smile, ready to explore another quest and take Patrice and me along for the ride (lucky us). He stepped through each and every door full of curiosity wondering where it would lead him…whether sitting on non-profit boards, like the YMCA, or dedicating himself to becoming a nature guide docent at Audubon Canyon Ranch near his new Stinson Beach home. Music was in Tom’s soul, whether he was dancing like no one was watching (actually, everyone was watching as it was always a sight to see, never to be forgotten), or discovering a little known band whose sound he loved, so excited to introduce his friends to their music. So Tom: "Hark now hear the sailors cry, smell the sea and feel the sky, let your soul and spirit fly into the mystic…." (Van Morrison). -- Anita Scott
I was once complete. I wasn’t the best father, husband or friend but I knew a guy who was and Tom was my friend. I remember him saying I was good for his kids and he liked me to be around them. He was their role model as he was to me. Role model in how he cherished and treated their mother, Patrice; role model in how hard he worked during the week and the weekend; role model in how he treated their friends, the rest of his family, his friends, associates, anyone who met him, nature and his love of everyday. I’ll miss singing Buffet songs with the kids coming down the mountain; I'll miss discussing philosophy and literature; I’ll miss biking to the Silver Dollar with Neil Young on the juke box. I miss his smile. I’m incomplete again. -- Lee McIntire
On September 6, 2005, I was hit by a car while crossing the street. The car won that battle that day and I sustained a spinal cord injury. Within a day or two after the accident my Uncle Tom started emailing my father with information about spinal cord injury recovery and cutting-edge clinical trials that were currently in the works (which he gained awareness of by leveraging some connections he had through work). The reason why I have any knowledge of this correspondence is due to the fact that my father printed out all of those emails, copies of which I still have to this day. Less than a week later Uncle Tom (and Aunt Patrice) flew out to Salt Lake City to visit me in the hospital and to offer their love and support to me and my parents. I don’t have clear, well-defined memories of many of the gifts and well-wishes offered up to me from friends and family during that period of time, but I’ll never forget what my Uncle Tom brought to me. It was a simple, black baseball cap. Embroidered on the front was a red heart and the words “Team Love”. And as I sit here today reflecting on his life I don’t know anything that could encapsulate my uncle and his spirit better than those two words - Team Love. In the 40 years that I was fortunate enough to know my Uncle Tom it is clear that he was always playing for Team Love. The word identity was originally derived from the Latin words essentitas, which means being, and identidem, which means repeatedly. Thus, ones identity is literally their “repeated beingness”. Uncle Tom was someone who cared deeply for other people, and to be around him was always a joyful experience. It has been said that behind one's actions lie their beliefs, and Team Love encapsulates Uncle Tom’s identity, actions, and beliefs perfectly. Don’t get me wrong, Uncle Tom was never the type of guy who was lacking in the areas of determination, hard work, or competitiveness - which likely served him well growing up as the youngest of four boys and with a father who was in the military. And these traits were always apparent during our annual Thanksgiving Day family football games. But it seemed like Uncle Tom always had the ability to succeed in a way that allowed his “opponent” to still feel valued and important. He has always been someone who was “easy” to look up to, and as I have matured (or at least aged) I can see that he was a man who lived a life of purpose and integrity. The manner in which he lived, how he treated people, and the joy that he radiated are inspiring to me and will forever hold a cherished spot in my memory. The poet/musician Lou Reed wrote: But anyone who ever had a heart They wouldn’t turn around and break it And anyone who ever played a part They wouldn’t turn around and hate it For me, those lines have always been a call to reject cynicism, embrace love, show empathy, and infect other people with hope and positivity, not bitterness and contempt. As I consider the life of my Uncle Tom, I can truly see how rewarding and impactful that type of life can be. Chalk up another victory for Team Love. -- Andy Zimmer
I remember when Tom was 16 and recognized the sparkling beauty in my sister. He grabbed hold of her hand and did not let go for 50 years. Our father cried tears of joy as he hugged Patrice after their wedding... I believe he had a deep knowing that she would be loved and cherished by a good man for a lifetime. I remember many years ago when Tom shared with me his life motto, 'work hard, play hard.' I marveled that he showed amazing self-discipline in work, then he leapt into play with giddy abandon, sometimes with Patrice reigning him in, most often with Patrice joyfully going with the flow. Even in death he was playing hard with his favorite brother-in-play, John. What a blessing. A meteoric lifetime. Look out spirit world, Tom has arrived! -- Katherine Butler
Tom and his family have been a constant in my life for the past 26 years because knowing Tom and not hearing about Patrice, Zac and Trevor is not possible. Also about his mom and dad who I had the pleasure of meeting once when they were alive, and brother John, who was always very present. I heard a lot about all of you (his family) because that’s how Tom and I connected, at the family level. Both our families would always be first. I met Tom back in 1989 at Pettit & Martin, a San Francisco law firm. Tom had another secretary at the time. Tom and I worked in the corporate department. One of my duties was to work on the department’s client bills so we had a little bit of a work-related relationship. Later, in 1994, after both of us had already left working at that law firm, our paths crossed again. He was looking for a secretary and I was looking for a job. It was like finding a gold mine! I never left him since. We worked together at Haight, Gardner, Poor & Havens, which merged with Holland & Knight; then he asked me to go with him to Pillsbury and then to Vedder Price. His last day at Vedder Price was December 31, 2019. He gave me a card saying it was the last day we would spend as fellow co workers but going forward we would continue as best of friends. I wasn’t sure what he meant because to me we already were best of friends. How could he not be my best of friends when he always had my back, always respected me, always gave me credit for things most people take credit for? And the list goes on and on. I would need to write a book! “He made us all better for knowing him” was what a fellow colleague of Tom’s told me. As for stories about Tom, there are so many!! He was a very colorful character. You could hear his voice and laughter across the hallways in any of the offices he worked in. He said hi to everyone every day and he tried to remember people’s names even though he mixed them up all the time. He was well-known and recognized as a super lawyer globally in the aviation finance community as well our local communities in the Bay Area. It was an honor to work for him and to know him. I miss him. -- Ilda Reiner
The news hit me hard when I heard of Tom’s passing. This couldn’t be true. Just last month, we were sitting together, celebrating another year of gingerbread house making. Patrice set up this tradition when my quadruplets were just 2 years old. Now, 12 years later, Patrice and I were there once again admiring Tom as he teamed up with my boys to playfully create some of the most interesting and creative gingerbread houses we had ever seen! I feel so blessed and special for having had Tom and Patrice in our lives for so many years. Though I was aware of the successful and talented attorney Tom was, I didn’t know him personally in that light. I knew Tom as a playful, healthy, strong, fit, intelligent, kind-hearted husband, dad, and friend. I knew him as the guy who saved Christmas for our daughter, Ally. One year, the only item on her Santa list was a pink stuffed kitten. This was before the ease of Amazon, and I searched and searched for one, but there were no pink stuffed kittens to be found. When Tom caught wind of this, he scoured every toy store in Marin until he found one. Tom made sure that the magic of Christmas was in the hearts of my children and at my house that morning. Tom was an incredible human being. His admiration for his family was huge. He beamed that last day that we were together, sharing his pride in the accomplishments of his two boys, and then sharing his love and admiration for their partners. He was so happy and proud, and he was looking forward to more time together in anticipation of his upcoming retirement. To the kids and me, Tom was more than a friend, he was family. Tom exemplified values and traditions which were admirable as much as they were endearing. Tom was a family man first and always. He was a gracious and humble man. He was a devoted husband, friend, and human being. Tom’s spirit will forever wrap itself around us. Though we will still be longing for more time, more memories, more adventures, more laughter, more silliness, and more inspiration, we know that our time together was a gift. When I close my eyes, I want to always remember the happy man on that last cheerful day we were together, wearing a red Santa hat, a red buttoned shirt, and a gentle smile. -- Elena Garton
Where should I start? I've been mulling this over the past few weeks, still in denial that I really am writing about Tom. It started almost 50 years ago when I first met Tom and Patrice in Ann Arbor. We all immediately “connected". I must admit, those crystal clear (Paul Newman-like) blue eyes drew me in, but Tom was so much more than that. We shared so many experiences, I can hardly recount all of them. At U. of Michigan, I remember Tom walking around campus in his karate outfit, partying at his fraternity, and studying incessantly. As the youngest of the four "Zimmer boys", he had so many stories about life as the youngest of his bright, competitive brothers but he had no problem "shining" in his own way. Tom was extremely witty, funny, athletic, and loving. Patrice, absolutely his "true love", was always the most beautiful person inside and out and he knew it. I was even jealous -- they were the most mutually respectful and loving couple I had ever met. After law school, Tom joined a firm in Detroit and worked incessantly as he always had in school. I was surprised when he announced he was not practicing the type of law that he was most interested in and took the risk of studying for the California bar and moving his family (including Zac, who was just a baby) away from his and Patrice's hometown to go to San Francisco! Tom was not afraid of change though, and he picked the most beautiful spot for their home and his many athletic endeavors. In the meantime, our two families spent countless vacations together, and I will tell about a few. First there was their trip to Stowe, Vermont to ski with us. (not many people fly to Vermont for skiing!!) Tom and John flew down the slopes listening to their Sony Walkmen as Patrice and I fell off the T-bar on what was an expert slope. We all met up later to go to the local hot tubs where all we did was laugh about drinking "fruit juice" for about an hour. Our next trip was to Big Canoe in Georgia where Patrice's parents had hoped to retire. Patrice and I had been promised an "afternoon off" while Tom and John "babysat" for our two young sons Zac and Scott. Coming back to what we thought would be our exhausted husbands, we found Tom and John playing tennis with their one-year old’s in backpacks on their backs. They always found a way to have fun. Our countless other trips were cross country skiing in Yosemite to Half Dome, hiking in Lake Tahoe after taking a boat to an island, Easter egg hunts in Carmel, roller blading in Mill Valley and Cape Cod, boogie boarding in Nantucket at Surfside Beach with Zac, Scott, Trevor and Mike, and skiing in Squaw Valley. The list goes on and on. Tom had boundless energy, a love for Tom Petty, a real desire to talk about what was on his mind (no matter what), a fantastic sense of humor, a mischievous twinkle in his eye, and boundless love for Patrice and his two sons. Tom forever holds a special place in my heart. We shared so many treasured times as families. The best part was all the laughs along the way. Words cannot describe the sadness in my heart. I will always love Tom and Patrice. -- Wendy Zimmer
Trevor and my daughter met in first grade. Katie was the sister Trevor never had and vice versa, Trevor being the brother, that is. Through their friendship, I met Patrice and was instantly smitten. Soon, I met Tom and was....intrigued. “How do you solve a problem like Maria? How do you take a cloud and pin it down?” You might as well substitute Tom‘s name for Maria’s, as he was always flitting from one thing to another, enjoying each thing as he went along. Tom was a wild man. With his boyish grin and gusto for life, he engaged with everyone on a high pitch level that had his friends moving and grooving and I can only imagine what he did for his clients and business associates. When Tom and I danced together, it was just plain dangerous. I apologize to anyone we bumped into and the furniture we knocked over. We both loved to let it loose and when I say loose, I really mean it. When Tom danced it was like an alien life form had taken over his body. He got this ridiculous grin on his face and his limbs turned to rubber, gyrating somewhat like an octopus every which way. I tried to emulate his style once, but simply could not keep up the gyrating and wiggling which was effortless for him. Tom was competitive and strived to do his utmost at being great at anything he did. Biking, running, swimming, hiking, rollerblading, skiing, rock climbing, kayaking, let’s see, did I leave anything out? Oh yes, my favorite sport, bartending. He always had a new drink he wanted to feature or some exotic liquor from a foreign land. We were eager guinea pigs. He was co-founder, along with Patrice, of the Baby Boomer Boogie Boarder events. His contagious spirit had us zipped into wetsuits, wading out against the incoming waves and then, following his lead, grabbing our boards and surfing into the beach, grinning like fools. We felt like we were 10 years old again. Laughing so hard we could barely stand up, our joy was unsurpassable as we headed out for the next wave. Tom was high tech and he applied this passion to his love of music. He knew what was hip. He would wander out to the beach with small speakers that had a huge sound, entertaining us with new eclectic music that I would pretend I had already known about, in order to seem like I was hip, too. Scientifically, energy sources can be tracked, and the wave lengths measured. In Tom’s case there was no measuring, we all just seemed to get caught up in the flow of his ceaseless energy. He loved showing photos of trips he took with the whole family, or his favorite traveling companion, Patrice. There was a hum, a buzz about him that no one could decipher. When he told a story, his eyes twinkled, his arms started spinning and he got so excited to share something that you were right there with him. He loved to share. Whether it was drinking yerba mate (I pretended to like it because he loved it so much), to tasting special organic, gluten free, no animal tested chocolate (much better), to his new drink concoctions, he made everything exciting. He even made taking the bus to work sound like the most fun he had ever had. He was positive beyond belief and we all need that in our lives. He will be so missed. You all know I sailed on the Topaz, but I need to use a sailing analogy here. I feel like the wind has been taken out of my sails. They won’t be powered by Tom’s energy and spirit. He had the energy to motivate, gyrate, dictate, gravitate and even (cough cough) sometimes irritate. We will miss this luminous cloud who could not be pinned down. My sails will never get their wind source back like before. He was always so proud of his family. When he talked about Patrice, he would get a sheen in his eyes that I am sure he had when he first laid eyes on her in high school. They essentially grew up together, supporting, reinforcing, motivating and accepting one another in the best way possible. Maybe not always on the same paragraph, but they have been on the same page and watching them together through the years has provided an example of how couples grow old together with fun and respect. When he updated me on Trevor and Zach you could tell he shared his enthusiasm for what they were doing and was invested in their endeavors. Always so proud. I am paraphrasing this next story as I was not there. But apparently Tom and Patrice were in a gift shop and he called her over to point out some fans. These weren’t just any fans, these were ones made out of feathers. ”Yeah?” Patrice smiled as only she can. ”It’s for Sally, it’s perfect,” he smiled back. If Tom thought I was the type of gal who could pull off having a feathered fan and maybe even dancing with it!!! Then that is what I want to be. I want to go beyond the limits, color outside the lines, smile with a glint in my eyes and maybe be a little unpredictable, just like him. I will treasure my feathers forever. -- Sally Palmer
A few years ago, TAZ informed me that he was swimming "Round the Rock" ...from Aquatic Park all the way around Alcatraz and back. That's a long way in San Francisco Bay, especially battling tides and frigid water below 60 F. I was worried that he'd become hypothermic, so brought out blankets and hot drinks to Aquatic Park. I looked out, expecting to see him crawl up onto the beach. But Tom "Aquaman" Zimmer emerged from the Bay like an Energizer Bunny, bounding up the beach sporting a big broad grin. The endurance swim had energized him. And that was how I'll remember TAZ, happiest after giving his all. I really enjoyed boogie boarding with Tom and climbing with him at Planet Granite and Joshua Tree. He always chose the most challenging ascents, like a 5.13a with an overhang. I sorely miss Tom's boundless energy, his love of music, his utter zest for life, and his optimism for the next adventure. -- Paul Fitzgerald
I met Tom during my senior year of high school in 1999 during what felt like a life and death decision... where to go to college. It was a choice between UCLA and the University of Michigan, Tom’s beloved alma mater. Zac, one of my closest friends, had just endured the removal of his wisdom teeth. I dropped by after school to find him recovering with bags of frozen vegetables on either side of his face. It was then Tom that told me the beloved 'artichoke story'... Tom had just graduated from Michigan Law and found himself in Washington DC at one of the city's finest white-tablecloth restaurants, directly across from the White House. It was a recruitment dinner, the final part of a job interview for a prestigious DC firm. To demonstrate his level of sophistication he ordered a steamed artichoke with garlic butter… a food he’d only heard of up to that moment. With knife and fork in hand he proceeded to consume the artichoke leaf by leaf. No one seemed to take exception, so he continued until it was all gone. When the waiter asked him how he liked the artichoke he replied with all the earnestness of a Midwestern farm boy, “hmm… it was a little tough.” As he told the punchline, Tom’s eyes gleamed and he made sure to emphasize that the firm still offered him the job! I laughed so hard I cried imagining a fresh-faced 20 something Tom gnawing his way through that artichoke while trying to impress his dinner companions… and to me, in a nutshell this is the essence of Tom. Humor, humility, empathy and exuberance. This is what I loved about him most and what I see so clearly reflected in his sons, my dear friends, Trevor and Zac. -- Rachel Pickel
Tom is my best friend. He was a bridesman in my wedding. He and Patrice have been by my side — by my family’s side — for every birthday, graduation, and special event — every major milestone in our lives — for the past 15 years. We met when he tripped over me coming out of the water at Aquatic Park early one morning in San Francisco. I was stretching on the beach with my triathlon team after a pre-dawn training session, all of us still clad in our black wetsuits in the twilight. “Are you guys training for something?” he asked, shedding his foggy goggles and realizing he was still standing on my leg. We told him we were getting ready for the Wildflower Half Ironman, and he joined our team that very day. Tom is an astounding athlete. He could climb the steepest streets in San Francisco on his bike, hills that no one else would — or could — even attempt. He was tough and fun and the only other person who could talk as much as me the entire run or ride. Our friendship was forged over thousands of miles of muddy trails and slick city steps. We bonded over talk of ultra-marathons and fondness for family. Side-by-side, step-by-step, we talked about everything — and nothing — for hours. He was so proud of the latest creative Patrice project, the academic achievements of Zac (Zac-ademic’s), or exciting/life-changing Trevor travels — he was so proud of his family! Over time, my daughter, husband, and I became a part of the Zimmer family too. When schedules got too complicated to workout with the team, Tom and I would get together during our lunch hour downtown and run a seven-mile loop that included climbing the 209 steps of Coit Tower (yes, we counted...many times), looping up Lombard, and out to Fort Mason. Then we would either swing back around along the Embarcadero or repeat all those hills again. It was crazy! And it was perfect. It was Tom. Tom liked to tell everyone about the time I saved his life. It’s a story we both told together just a few weeks ago, over lunch with friends and family in Stinson. I usually told the first part, about how he nearly killed me during one of his “normal” mountain bike rides, and then he picked up the story with the part where I saved him. We were training for a series of Xterra triathlons, and we had a “brick” workout day planned: a 15-ish mile mountain bike ride, a 6-mile trail run, and a 1⁄2 mile open water swim. The mountain bike ride started at the base of Mt. Tam, wound up through single track trails all the way to the top, back down near Stinson, then one last steep uphill climb again through Green Gulch. About four hours into one of the toughest and most grueling trail rides of my life, alongside this absolute beast of a mountain biker — who was 17 years older than me for Christ's sake! — I swung off my bike, hoisted it up on my shoulder, and started hiking up the canyon, cursing Tom the entire way. He laughed so hard, he almost fell off of his bike, and by the time we got to the top, he promised NO MORE HILLS, and I promised I would stop using the “F” word in every sentence. After I licked my wounds over a giant burrito at Joe’s Taco Lounge, we loaded up our wetsuits and headed out to swim in the Bay. We swam out into the open water no problem. Tom was a stronger swimmer than me and was a good 100-yards ahead when he stopped and started yelling something. I bobbed up in time to hear him say, “cramps.” Both calves were cramping up, and as he tried to tread water to tell me, his arms started to cramp too. I thought he was joking because he was laughing as he said it, but as I started to close the distance between us, I realized he was in trouble — for real. I yelled out my best “don’t worry, I’ll save you,” line, which made him laugh so hard he actually went under a few times. When I got to him, I did that whole self-arrest move we’ve all seen on TV and dragged him back to the shallows — both of us trying not to laugh too hard the entire time. He loves that story. And we love him. So much. He always liked to tell people that I saved his life, but the truth is, he saved mine. We became friends when I was really struggling as a single mom. I was working three jobs, and those hours and hours we spent exercising together were the early days of my daughter going to stay with her dad. I was lost on those weekends when my little girl wasn’t with me. Tom and I never got too deep about it. He was just always there, ready for the next adventure. I have no idea what I would have done without Tom. I have no idea what I’m going to do without him now. I know he’s everywhere. I can feel him and hear him. Waves of gratitude wash over me as I think back to all of our time together — the many moments that make up the kind of deep and cherished friendship so rare in this lifetime. I am so lucky that he called me his best friend. And so infinitely grateful to call him mine. I love you buddy. -- Jenn Jolly
Tom was like a shooting star streaking through life burning with energy and taking all of us along for the ride. Whether it was Tai Chi, dancing lessons or boogie boarding, his enthusiasm was infectious, and he made every activity a lot more fun. When Tom and Patrice moved to Stinson Beach, they invited us to go boogie boarding, which we hadn’t done in years. We had so much fun with them and felt like kids again. We will never forget his sparkly eyes, big smile and great laugh and his utter joy in everything he did. His great love for Patrice, Zac, Anna, Trevor and Sam was so apparent. It’s difficult to find the words to express how sad I am for them. I feel so lucky to have known him and miss him so much. -- Lois Ashley
I have been honored and blessed to be close friends with Tom (Zeke) and Patrice for over 50 years. Through college, weddings, the births of Zac and Trevor, and various careers, we have stayed connected across the miles. We share love of music, endless curiosity, conversation, laughter, nature, activities and escapades. One escapade: Dove Bar Caper. One night, we waited for the boys to go to bed before raiding Dove Ice Cream Bars. We thought we had hidden the evidence. The next morning, Zac and Trevor (super sleuths) found the evidence, and we were caught! Tom and Patrice always have embraced life fully and share that joy with everyone around them. Being around them is always a gently reminder to live life well, love passionately, laugh often and of course, dance. They are truly two of the most authentic, finest people I know and so are their sons. Love you. Tom, miss you. -- Nancy Lehman Luca
I met Tom back in the early 1990's (or late 1980's?) when he spearheaded a Mill Valley School bond. I believe it was the first new one in decades. At that time local bond issues required a 66.7% super-majority to pass and pretty much everyone was pessimistic, except Tom. Just like in his professional and sports lives, his boundless energy and enthusiasm pushed us over that finish line as well. -- Mark Jacobs
I've had a really hard time with this. It wasn't just the fact that Tom and I are the same age, that we bonded as brothers in a fraternity house basement almost 48 years ago or that we followed similar career paths. It wasn't that I was always one step behind him, though I was. He found the love of his life while we were still in college, the delightful, unpretentious, pile of giggles Patrice; mine didn't arrive until many years later. He always got a 4.0 grade point when we were in college, winning the fraternity's coveted $25 "scholarship" every semester; I wasn't close. He got the highest score on the Michigan State Bar the year we graduated from law school; mine was just pretty good. He got a big law firm job right out of school; I went to work in government. He moved out to California while I eventually settled in Colorado. I think it's been so hard on me, and on everyone else who knew Tom throughout his life, because it was a privilege to know Tom, and an honor to be his friend. Tom always knew how to make you feel special, like you were the most important person to him at that moment you were talking to him. That razor sharp focus, those piercing eyes and his never ending effort to understand you, to make you feel better about yourself. It was easy to tell Tom your failings, your disappointments and your dreams, not only because you knew that you could trust him with those secrets, but he would also find a way to make you feel better about them and about yourself. I didn't get to see Tom or Patrice as much as I would have liked over the past 29 years or so. But when I did, it was always the same. It was like we had never stopped our last conversation, just left off to resume months or years later. While my last contacts with Tom are bittersweet for me, they are emblematic of the life he led and the person he was, not just for me but also for the rest of you reading this piece. Kathy and I were in Sonoma for a wedding in 2018 so I texted him to see if we could get together before we left town, but Tom and Patrice were in New Zealand. Tom took the time to chat about Sonoma and New Zealand and promised to get together soon. We continued chatting by text off and on for a while for the next year. We talked about his impending retirement and our personal "sidebar" projects, as Tom described them. Tom couldn't make it to the fraternity reunion in Ann Arbor last fall because he and Patrice were headed to Machu Picchu and the Galapagos, but we arranged to meet when they got back since we were going to be in San Francisco for a combined work/vacation stop shortly after they were scheduled to return. However, political unrest in Ecuador and a remodel of their new home on the coast suddenly made our long planned rendezvous dubious. Tom still took the time to play online tour guide for us, making several good recommendations for places to stay and things to do. When Tom came back to the States, he and Patrice had nowhere to live due to the remodel. So, our plans for a nice relaxing dinner together were now definitely off. But Tom was not to be denied. He offered to drive up to meet us anywhere he could on the one day he had available before we left town. He was relentless. But it wasn't to be. Kathy and I had to visit an elderly aunt in Palo Alto that day so we couldn't make it work, even to meet for just a drink as Tom ultimately suggested. I didn't answer that last text from Tom about grabbing a drink. I'm sure he knew from our prior exchanges that I just couldn't make it work. But I really regret that choice. I didn't even write back to say thanks, but we can't do it. I just assumed he knew. And he probably did. Still, right now it hurts. He was busting his butt to try to see me, and I didn't answer. And now I can't see him. Like I said, it was a privilege to know Tom and an honor to be his friend. I know he took no offense at my last failure to respond. But even then, Tom taught me something, like he always seemed to do. Next time I will answer, and I will thank him for being such a good friend to me for so long. -- Lee "Syd" Terry
Alongside Tom, I'm a member of the Team Love family - humbly, gratefully, and forever. I met Tom in the water in March of 2008. It was after Wildflower where I met Andrew - the ringleader of Team Love. He said that he and a motley crew swam in the Bay every week, and that I should come visit on one of these days. I showed up that week and every week since we moved away five years ago. Tom was a fixture. He had this wild, goofy, full-body laugh that he greeted you with every time you saw him, and had a way to instantly make you feel included. We swam from Aquatic Park to the Bridge, reverse, Alcatraz, Aquatic - with seals, through fishing lines, bobbing in the water starting at the Golden Gate, or watching the sun rise over the Transamerica building... always looking out for each other... all we could get, with Tom. He was always up for anything, just loved life and made you feel loved, too. He gave the best hugs. He is someone who we were all in awe of - his Xterras, his cycling, his swimming - and his ridiculously effortless talent at all of them. He shared stories of his kids, of his fam in Michigan, invited us all to swim at his place in Stinson, knew my kids, and my husband, and cared...he was my swim family. I'd come back to SF for visits and he'd join in the swim, or just drop by on his way to work before we jumped in the water. He made time and always had time. He is a force of nature and while I wish the world had so much more time with him, he's a model for living every moment and I'll never forget him. -- Kacie Wise
Patrice, Zac and Trevor, I had the good fortune to meet and get to know Tom during our days in the Psi U house at the University of Michigan. I'll hold those stories for another time. I had the good fortune to attend Tom and Patrice's wedding with Lee Terry -- another story source. I do have a story to share. Sometime in the mid to late 1980s, I was working in the Real Estate Department of Kmart Corporation. I flew into San Francisco for a meeting the next day in Sacramento. I called Tom from my hotel, and he told me to check out immediately: I was staying with Tom and Patrice at their home in the hills overlooking the city. I met Tom for beers after work, we had dinner in the city in what I believe was a former auto dealership and ended up who knows how many beers later closing Cliff House. We wandered home and Patrice had stayed up waiting for us to return. We three talked into the wee hours before finally crashing, and I do mean crashing. I got up early the next morning to head out to my meeting in Sacramento, but Tom was already showered, dressed and gone. Fortunately, Patrice made me breakfast before I stumbled into the car for the journey. Somehow I made it to Sacramento, held my meeting and made it back to the city in time to make my return flight, somewhat the worse for wear. Tom was a wonderful, brilliant guy! All of us in the Phi Class of 1975 are just gutted by the awful news. He will be greatly missed. -- Norb Madison
Remembering your laugh, Tom. We shared many when we bunked together at Psi U. Maybe our greatest moment was on the steps of Hill Auditorium before the BB King concert. Your future legal skills were on display brokering a deal in the standoff. -- Bill Sutton
Tom was one of the first people I met when I moved to San Francisco and as I worked in the aviation leasing business. He became a friend and provided support in the questions I had regarding the legal aspects of the business along with just plain common sense as a friend and mentor. He always had time to talk and was truly a gentleman of the legal profession. He will be missed by all who knew him. -- Bill McElfresh